you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Floor bacon is actually really good
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
