i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
