dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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