remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
