there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize