meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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