tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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