He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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