It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
