So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
