My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
