I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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