I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize