apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize