I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize