Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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