In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
