Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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