non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
