Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
