My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
