Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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