bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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