She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
