We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
