I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
