so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you never un-have a 4some
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
