You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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