I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
