and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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