Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
