I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
