Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
