Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
