So drunk its hurt
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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