Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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