I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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