How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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