I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
