so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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