I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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