Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
