matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am available for nakedness
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
