Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
