Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize