So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
