i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
