ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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