Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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