You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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