finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
