You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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