There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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