Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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