I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
