I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
