am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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