I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
