She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
