peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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